Franglais

Lost in translation across the Channel

France might be just across the English Channel from Britain, but Emma Jane Kirby says both nations are still prone to the pitfalls of linguistic misunderstandings.

Last weekend, standing on Pegasus bridge in Normandy for the D-Day celebrations, I was touched to see two classes of French primary school children singing the British national anthem in honour of the veterans.

As I went closer, I realised with delight that while they had got the tune off pat, the words were just slightly off the mark.

Standing tall and proud, the children were calling on the Almighty to "sieve the Queen and her setter, Victoria."

It took me straight back to my own school days when I had learned to sing the nursery rhyme Frere Jacques.

For many years I had warned *Frere Jacques to wake up not because the morning bells were ringing (sonnez les matines), but because there was *"sunny semolina" to be had.

'Yoghurting'

Even in your own language, it is difficult to catch accurately the words of a song if they are not written down in front of you, and in France, which imports most of its music from the US or UK, there is even a word for the appropriation of lyrics.

It is "yaourt", or "to yoghurt".

You start singing confidently... and then trail off into inarticulate "yoghurting" when your lexicon runs dry.

As far as I understand it, so long as you look slightly pained and shut your eyes while you yoghurt, you seem to get away with it.

Some years ago, an Irish friend of mine was on a French exchange in Paris and was hanging out with some of the local teenagers.

Desperate to impress her, they began to reel off their repertoire of English songs.

They said their favourite was a hit by Queen that they had picked up on the radio - I believe the original version was called I Want to Break Free - but unfortunately, the boys knew only the yoghurt version.

Although retaining the original passion, it had lost a little of the sense. It went: I Want a Steak Frites, I Want a Steak Frites.

'Simply hysterical'

Mispronunciations can have embarrassing consequences.

A French friend of mine, preparing a few snacks to hand round at an English drinks party, implored her guests to help themselves to nipples.

My father once returned from a trip to France complaining bitterly that the French had just laughed at him when he had tried to ask for directions to the railway station.

A few probing questions revealed that he had not asked for la gare at all - he had asked for la guerre (the war) - and the locals were simply hysterical at the idea of this white-haired, would-be combatant showing up for duty 65 years too late.

But it can happen to the best of us.

Madame de Gaulle was said to have been lunching with the American ambassador at the time of her husband's retirement when she was asked what she was most looking forward to in the years ahead.

She thought for a moment before announcing boldly: "A penis". A startled hush fell over the table until the former president leant over and said: "My dear, I think it's pronounced 'happiness'."

Speak in French, wrote Lewis Carroll in Through the Looking Glass, when you cannot remember the English for a thing.

But there are many faux amis (false friends) to be wary of in English and French.

'Slip of the ear'

You can flatter a French woman by telling she looks formidable in her new dress, but tell an English woman she looks formidable in her new frock and she will quickly go and change.

And that one wrong word can do untold damage.

In English, looking and watching are two different things. In French, one word - regarder - will cover you for both.

My American friend Janet, on holiday in Montana with her French husband Eddy, suggested he wandered around the shops while she tried on her zillionth pair of shoes.

After a few minutes spent in a bed linen store he was approached by the female assistant who asked him if he needed any help.

"No thanks, I am just watching," he smiled, and was puzzled as she backed off slowly, desperately fumbling for her phone.

The other day I was reading an article in a French newspaper about how we regularly mishear words, particularly in foreign languages, and how that completely changes our comprehension of the conversation.

The writer spoke of a British acquaintance of his who was struck when he arrived in France by how much the French seemed to talk about Johnny Marr, the Smiths' guitarist.

Until the writer realised what his friend was actually hearing was "J'en ai marre (I'm sick of it)".

He went on in his article to inform his readers that the English even had a phrase for such a misunderstanding. It was called, he said confidently, a "slip of the ear*".

Source: BBC News

Idioms:



The idiom is normally a "slip of the tongue". This means that you say something that you didn't intend to say; a mistake in speaking.

A Freudian slip is also something that you say by accident which is different from what you intended to say but seems to show your true thoughts.

Many slips of the tongue / Freudian slips can be heard on you tube; most of them a bit rude. Here is one from Gordon Brown when he was PM and he claims to have "saved the world".

I also made the same mistake as a child with the song "Frere Jacques" Another school favourite was "Alouette". Here is a clip from "Tom and Jerry" in French. I love when the little mouse says "Bonjour Monsieur Pussy Cat".

More Palin revelations

Sarah Palin 'did not know Africa was a continent', say aides

Sarah Palin spent "tens of thousands" more than the quoted $150,000 on clothes for the Republican campaign, met McCain aides in her hotel room dressed in nothing but a towel, and did not know Africa was a continent, according to new reports.

Fox news has reported that Mrs Palin did not understand that Africa was a continent, not a country, and did not know what countries were in the North American Free Trade Agreement.

In separate claims made in the latest issue of Newsweek magazine, the Republican vice presidential nominee was reported to have been told to buy three suits for the Republican convention, and to hire a stylist. Instead, she went on a spending spree in upmarket stores such as Saks Fifth Avenue and Neiman Marcus.

Quoting unnamed sources within the McCain camp, the magazine alleges that most of the clothes were bought by a wealthy donor, who "was shocked when he got the bill."

An angry aide described the shopping spree as "Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast", and predicted that the truth would eventually come out when the Republican Party audits its books.

The magazine also claimed that Mrs Palin used low ranking staffers to buy some of the clothes on their credit cards, and that up to $40,000 was spent on clothes for her husband Todd.

A number of articles of clothing have been lost, the magazine states.

The disclosures are made in "How He Did It, 2008", in Newsweek's Special Election Project, a behind-the-scenes account of the presidential election produced the day after the polls closed.

The magazine also claims that at the GOP convention in St. Paul, when aides Steve Schmidt and Mark Salter went to her hotel room to brief her, Ms Palin walked into the room wearing only a towel, with another on her wet hair. She told them to chat to Todd, adding: "I'll be just a minute."

Other election revelations include that on the night Hillary Clinton officially lost the Democratic nomination, she enjoyed a long and friendly phone conversation with McCain.

"Clinton was actually on better terms with McCain than she was with Obama," reports the magazine. "Clinton and McCain had downed shots together on Senate junkets; they regarded each other as grizzled veterans of the political wars and shared a certain disdain for Obama as flashy and callow. "

Source: The Times

Listen to the telephone conversation between Palin and (who she thought was) Sarkozy.

Before she is confined to the dustbin of history; here is one more chance to admire the interview skills and the foreign policy credentials of Sarah Palin.

Baked beans beat the crisis

Baked bean sales soar as families turn back to canned food
The humble baked bean is back in fashion as families return to canned food in a bid to beat the credit crisis.

Sales of baked beans have increased by 12 per cent over the last year, surpassing annual sales of £300 million for the first time.

As food inflation in Britain has risen higher than almost anywhere else in the developing world, consumers are cutting back on their grocery bills.

Sales of post-war, ration book era food are booming, according to statistics, and families are stocking up on canned goods.

In the 52 weeks to the end of August baked bean sales reached £300.4 million, compared with just £250.2 million three years ago, according to the market research company IRI.

The figures follow evidence from supermarkets, that shoppers are starting to buy cheaper cuts of meat, such as chicken thighs rather than breast meat and braising steaks rather than sirloin or fillet.

Sheraz Dar, head of marketing for Branston Baked Beans, which released the IRI data, said: "The credit crunch is undoubtedly having some effect. Baked beans provide a very cheap source of fibre and protein so it's not surprising people are increasingly turning to baked beans for nutrition."

Asda says that sales of its budget range of Smart Price baked beans, which retail for just 20p for a 420g tin, have soared by more than 50 per cent over the last year.

With £300 million of beans sold over the last year, this could buy each household in Britain more than 22lbs (10 kilos) – or 23 large cans – worth of high-quality baked beans. Not quite enough to stock up an underground bunker, but plenty to fuel a family if the economy plumbs new ration-book era depths.

Source: Telegraph

Has the crisis altered your shopping in any way? Have you stopped buying things because they have got too expensive? Do you still treat yourself now and again to something despite its expense?

This advert for beans is from 1986 but has the same jingle as today: "beanz meanz heinz".


Do you have a favourite ad, past or present?

McCain Gaffe

You gotta feel for José Luis Rodriguez Zapatero. Here the Spanish Prime Minister is only four months from an end to his government's strained relations with that of President George W. Bush and blam! — along comes John McCain to suggest that the next four years might not be any better. During an interview in Miami earlier this week with Spanish-language station Union Radio, a reporter asked McCain whether, if elected, he would receive Zapatero in the White House. McCain answered, "Honestly, I have to analyze our relationships, situations and priorities, but I can assure you that I will establish closer relationships with our friends, and I will stand up to those who want to harm the United States."

Ouch. The question about Zapatero came after a series of questions on how McCain sees relations with Venezuela, Bolivia and Cuba. He said he would not speak to Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez "without any sort of preconditions, as Senator Obama has said he would," and said Chávez was "depriving his people of their democratic rights." He judged Bolivia's Evo Morales as "very similar" and also condemned Cuba's Raúl Castro. When the questioner said, "Now let's talk of Spain" and asked whether he'd invite Zapatero, McCain responded with a vague statement that he would meet "with those leaders who are our friends" and then cited Mexican President Felipe Calderón as an example. The questioner tried several more times to steer the Senator back to a clear answer on Spain, but McCain never directly addressed the nation, saying, "What I would say is that my record is that of someone who has worked in a friendly atmosphere with those who are our friends and faced up to those who aren't."

From this, much of the Spanish press has concluded that the Republican candidate, who hails himself as the experienced foreign policy choice in this election, confused Spain — a NATO member and key ally in the fight against terrorism — with one of those troublesome Latin American states. That was certainly the interviewer's impression, for she followed up with a gentle reminder that Spain was a country in Europe. As Spanish newspaper El País put it, "In the best-case scenario, [his answer] demonstrates his ignorance with respect to Zapatero."

Of course, there's a worst-case scenario: that McCain would, if elected, maintain his predecessor's chilly relationship with Spain. Spaniards may, on the whole, revile American politics and American comida de basura (junk food), but they still tend to measure their Prime Minister's international worth by the esteem with which the U.S. President holds him. And so, for the past four years, the Spanish Prime Minister has tried, ever so earnestly, to prove that he's one of the big boys. At every international summit he has tried to maneuver himself into position for a photograph with Bush. The press has breathlessly reported on every perfunctory exchange the two have had. And the much longed-for invitation to the White House — let alone to a certain ranch in Texas — has been the object of countless pages of speculation. But for all the aspiration, Zapatero has never managed to achieve anything like that famous 2003 photo of his predecessor, José María Aznar, in the Azores looking like he just got invited to the cool kids' party.

Of course, the fact that the cool kids' party happened to be taking place in Iraq explains a lot of the distance between the two current leaders: upon taking office in April 2004, Zapatero immediately pulled Spanish troops out of "the alliance of the willing." Which is one of the ironies of this situation — that Spain can so strongly support a foreign policy opposed to the Bush doctrine (whatever that is), while so strongly hoping for a show of respect from Washington. On Thursday, Spanish newspaper ABC's regret was palpable when it lamented that "the coldness between the governments of the U.S. and Spain could continue if the Republican candidate John McCain reaches the White House."

As for Zapatero himself, the Prime Minister is apparently taking this latest attack on his ego with characteristic equilibrium. McCain may not know who Spain's leader is, but Zapatero promised to work with the new Administration "whatever it is."

Source: Time

Footie for the next month

Like it or not, for the next month or so, football is upon us. How well do you think Spain will do? Do you think the drought will end and they will finally lift the European Championship cup once more?

Unfortunately Scotland isn't being represented at the Championship; the only consolation is that England isn't there either!

Scotland were unlucky not to qualify - we had the World Champions Italy and runners-up France in our qualifying group.

We beat France, one - nil, at both the home and away games.

We just needed to draw against Italy in the last, all-important match. We were holding them to a one - all draw into injury time, when Italy were awarded a free-kick that they should never have got.

An Italian player clearly fouled a Scots one, but the ref gave the free-kick to the Italian side. I wouldn't be surprised if the Italians had bribed him.

The Italian player involved in the tackle dived. The Italians are noted for their unfair play and unsportsmanship like conduct. What a bunch of cheats!

You can only imagine how Scots hearts sunk when the Italians scored the winning goal from the free-kick. Once again, so near but yet so far.

Had the ref not made the wrong decision, Scotland too would be in these Championships alongside Spain.


Would you like to learn some more football-related vocabulary? Then have a read of this BBC Learning English page and then try the fun quizzes and games.


Can you remember any important matches involving Spain or the team that you support? What happened? Were there any controversial decisions?

Maybe you can't stand all this football but you can have an opinion on some related topic such as:

Do you think football players are paid too much?

Should we expect players to behave on and off the pitch?

Isn't the cost of football strips outrageous?

Which player do you admire most?

What do you think of the current Spanish coach?

Who are the best looking players in these Championships?




We didn't deserve to lose. Italians are also the World Champions at cheating. We were robbed!




Our first victory over France in France in 50 years; with an incredible goal!

Have a listen to the commentary. Do you understand any of it?

SPAM

Spamming is the abuse of electronic messaging systems to indiscriminately send unsolicited bulk messages.

Spamming is economically viable because advertisers have no operating costs beyond the management of their mailing lists, and it is difficult to hold senders accountable for their mass mailings. Because the barrier to entry is so low, spammers are numerous, and the volume of unsolicited mail has become very high. The costs, such as lost productivity and fraud, are borne by the public and by Internet service providers, which have been forced to add extra capacity to cope with the deluge. Spamming is widely reviled, and has been the subject of legislation in many jurisdictions.

The people that create electronic spam are called spammers.

E-mail spam

E-mail spam, also known as unsolicited bulk email (UBE) or unsolicited commercial email (UCE), is the practice of sending unwanted e-mail messages, frequently with commercial content, in large quantities to an indiscriminate set of recipients.

Spam in e-mail started to become a problem when the Internet was opened up to the general public in the mid-1990s. It grew exponentially over the following years, and today comprises some 80 to 85% of all the email in the world, by conservative estimate; some sources go as high as 95%.

Pressures to make e-mail spam illegal has been successful in some jurisdictions, but less so in others. Spammers take advantage of this fact, and frequently outsource parts of their operations to countries where spamming will not get them into legal trouble.

Increasingly, e-mail spam today is sent via "zombie networks", networks of virus- or worm-infected personal computers in homes and offices around the globe; many modern worms install a backdoor which allows the spammer access to the computer.

E-mail is an extremely cheap mass medium, and professional spammers have automated their processes to a high extent. Thus, spamming can be very profitable even at what would otherwise be considered extremely low response rates.

An industry of e-mail address harvesting is dedicated to collecting email addresses and selling compiled databases. Millions of email addresses can be cheaply purchased

History
It is widely believed the term spam is derived from the 1970 Monty Python SPAM sketch, set in a cafe where nearly every item on the menu includes SPAM luncheon meat. As the server recites the SPAM-filled menu, a chorus of Viking patrons drowns out all conversations with a song repeating "SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, SPAM... lovely SPAM, wonderful SPAM", hence "SPAMming" the dialogue. The excessive amount of SPAM mentioned in the sketch is a reference to British rationing during World War II. SPAM was one of the few meat products that avoided rationing, and hence widely available.

Although the first known instance of unsolicited commercial e-mail occurred in 1978 (unsolicited electronic messaging had already taken place over other media, with the first recorded instance being via telegram in May 1864), the term "spam" for this practice had not yet been applied.

It later came to be used on Usenet to mean excessive multiple posting—the repeated posting of the same message. The unwanted message would appear in many if not all newsgroups, just as SPAM appeared in all the menu items in the Monty Python sketch.

There are three popular false etymologies of the word "spam". The first is that "spamming" is what happens when one dumps a can of SPAM luncheon meat into a fan blade. The second is the backronym "shit posing as mail." The third is similar, using "stupid pointless annoying messages." Most suitable seems to be the Esperanto interpretation: The term spamo (with the o-ending designating nouns) makes sense as "senpete alsendita mesaĝo", which means "message being sent to someone without being asked for".

In 1998, the New Oxford Dictionary of English, which had previously only defined "spam" in relation to the trademarked food product, added a second definition to its entry for "spam": "Irrelevant or inappropriate messages sent on the Internet to a large number of newsgroups or users

Spam (food)
SPAM luncheon meat is a canned precooked meat product made by the Hormel Foods Corporation. The labelled ingredients in the Classic variety of Spam are: chopped pork shoulder meat with ham meat added, salt, water, sugar, and sodium nitrite to help "keep its color". The product has become part of many jokes and urban legends about mystery meat, which has made it part of pop culture and folklore.

Varieties of Spam vary by region and include Spam Black Pepper, Spam Less Sodium, Spam Garlic, Spam and Cheese, Spam with Bacon (Hormel bacon), Spam Spread, Spam Fritters, Spam Lite (containing pork and chicken), Spam Golden Honey Grail, Spam Hot and Spicy (with Tabasco sauce), Spam Hickory Smoked, and Spam Oven Roasted Turkey - the latter is also available as halal food, meaning that it is permissible under Islamic law, and is especially popular in Muslim markets.

Spam is produced in (among other places) Austin, Minnesota, USA (also known as Spam Town USA). In 2002, the six billionth can of Spam was sold. Spam for the UK market is produced in Denmark by Tulip under licence from Hormel.

Name origin

Introduced on July 5, 1937, the name "Spam" was chosen in the 1930s when the product, whose original name was far less memorable (Hormel Spiced Ham), began to lose market share. The name was chosen from multiple entries in a naming contest. A Hormel official once stated that the original meaning of the name Spam was "Shoulder of Pork and hAM". According to writer Marguerite Patten in Spam – The Cookbook, the name was suggested by Kenneth Daigneau, an actor and the brother of a Hormel vice president. At one time, the official explanation may have been that the name was a syllabic abbreviation of "SPiced hAM", but on their official website, Hormel denies this and states that "Spam is just that. Spam." The fact that the originator was given a $100 prize for coming up with the name, however, still appears on the site's Spam FAQs.

Many jocular backronyms have been devised, such as "Something Posing As Meat" and "Spare Parts Animal Meat." "Special Purpose Army Meat" has been suggested as another apocryphal backronym referring to the product's WWII roots.

According to Hormel's trademark guidelines, Spam should be spelled with all capital letters and treated as an adjective, as in the phrase "SPAM luncheon meat". As with many other trademarks, such as Xerox or Kleenex, people often refer to similar meat products as "spam".
Regardless, in practice, "spam" is generally spelled and used as a proper noun.

Source: Wikipedia

Source: aphexnon3 (You Tube) Key words: monty python spam subtitles

Here's the famous sketch all about the tinned meat.

Football Violence Debate

This is the result of last Thursday's match between Aberdeen and Atletico Madrid. What is your opinion on what happened and on football hooliganism in general?


Have you ever been to an important football match? What was the atmosphere like?




After reading the comments related to an article about the disturbances in Madrid following the Aberdeen - Atleti match, I decided to add some of my own in defence of the Spanish authorities. Many of the contributors had valid points but they only put the blame on the Spanish riot police and the Atleti fans. They didn't criticise any of the Aberdeen fans. Below is a heated discussion between a fellow Scot who lives in Madrid and myself. My nick is ScotInMadrid.

44. Joe Black, Madrid / 1:43pm 1 Dec 2007
Read the Spanish press, and they say the young lassie is the liar.
And that it was the drunken hooligan Scots that started the fighting; spilling drunkenly out of the bars.
Firing flares and throwing bottles and chairs at the Spanish and the Police.
What a Jackanory (slang What a tall story)!

Joe Black, Madrid / 6:16pm 1 Dec 2007
The problem that exists in Spain which is related to this poor girl, is the lack of safety and security by the Police here.
You never really see policeman walking the streets and I think community police don´t even exist. You see plenty of them driving around.
Everytime there´s football trouble the maximum number of arrests can be counted on one hand. More people end up in hospital due to the police tactics than are arrested.
There´s never any segregation neither outside nor inside the ground.
I suppose its because they are so poorly paid. And the beatings with their sticks is a custom they´ve carried on from the dictator Franco times.

75. ScotInMadrid, Madrid / 9:40pm 1 Dec 2007
As a Scot living in Madrid, I feel ashamed at the behaviour of some Aberdeen fans. I knew there would be trouble judging by the state of those that I saw wandering drunkenly around the centre early on Thursday afternoon. Like in Scottish cities, it isn't allowed to drink on the streets in Madrid. You have to respect the country that you visit and not expect them to play by your rules. If you choose to wear the kilt, remember that you are clearly representing Scotland.
After this latest episode, I can't defend the fans of Scots clubs as opposed to English ones. We are most definitely all grouped as hooligans now.
I don't doubt that some police were heavy-handed and some Atletico fans were out for trouble.
It can't be any coincidence however that wherever British clubs play in Europe, there is violence. Then blame is layed at local fans, police and anybody but the visiting fans themselves.

76. Joe Black, Madrid / 10:06pm 1 Dec 2007
#75 Scot In Madrid
Its a shame you cannot be impartial by you statements.
1.The Spanish invented drinking in the streets; illegally its called Botellon and prevalent through out all of Spain especially with students. Legally allowed in the many terrazas esp in summer time.
2.Atletico de Madrid are notorious for their hooliganism in Spain "frente Atletico". Go to any Madrid Derby.
3.And finally you obviously don´t watch Spanish TV to see how the "antidisturbios" (riot police) treat the general public.
Get yer heid out o´ the sand.

78. ScotInMadrid, Madrid / 10:59pm 1 Dec 2007
I have lived in Madrid for over six years. I don't need you to explain how life is like here. Like any major city, Madrid has some problems with drunkness; but nothing on the scale of any city or even small town in Scotland at the weekend.
They like their "copas" but don't go picking a fight after they have had a few.
I witnessed the Aberdeen fans that were here for the match. They weren't football hooligans but they showed no respect for the city they were visiting. They were already "blazing" (slang, drunk) by mid-afternoon and falling around the centre; being loud and foul-mouthed.
I have been to matches in the Bernabeu and Calderon. They have their problems and there are incidents from time to time caused by their hooligans.
But there are no problems when either Real Madrid or Atletico fans go abroad. Why is it that the majority of trouble is caused by visiting British clubs?
And you are also wrong in your assumption that I don't follow events in the Spanish media. I repeat that there are police who are heavy-handed but on the whole they only hit out when provoked.
It would be sensible for any innocent by-stander at the first hint of trouble to distance themselves from the area immediately. But as most visiting fans were "stotting"(slang, very drunk) well before the match, they were incapable of doing that.
I am surprised that you live in Spain. It sounds to me as if you still need to adapt to the Spanish way of life. If you can't do that, you should return home!

79. Joe Black, Madrid / 11:10pm 1 Dec 2007
I´ve been in Spain for over twenty years, but at least I´m objective and can see both sides.
True Spanish supporters generally do not travel not even in Spain, and abroad its generally too expensive.

80. Joe Black, Madrid / 11:14pm 1 Dec 2007
I´ve seen Spaniards having botellons out of the back of their cars annoying the whole barrio and then jumping in their car totally drunk and driving away.
And when the president of our community called the police, they did nothing.
As say get real.

81. ScotInMadrid, Madrid / 11:26pm 1 Dec 2007
Reading through your previous comments I can't find any objectivity; just a sense of anti-Spanish. Surprising coming from someone who has lived here for so long. It must have been 20 years of suffering if you hold such opinions.
I saw the visiting fans and believe me, they were a disgrace to our country. Spaniards generally hold Scotland in high regard but behaviour such as I witnessed will possibly change that.

82. Joe Black, Madrid / 11:28pm 1 Dec 2007
# 78As you´ve only lived in Madrid for short time, you don´t how badly it has changed over the time I´ve lived here.
Shootings with columbians, latin gang fights, prostitutes annoying normal people in day light hours.
The Madrid of over ten years ago was a much safer place. Now its turning into a very violent city, with places that even the police are afraid to go to.
Though not everything is bad, its just like any modern cosmopolitan city; with the good and bad, as in Glasgow or Edinburgh.
I like Spain and Madrid; THIS is my home.
Try to open your eyes.

83. Joe Black, Madrid / 11:37pm 1 Dec 2007
Reading your comments you seem to be anti Scottish, its not surprising you left your homeland as you seem to be embarrassed to be a Scot ( in madrid)
You seem to think everybody in Scotland are drunks and foul mouthed drunks.
Your a sad case.

84. ScotInMadrid, Madrid / 11:54pm 1 Dec 2007
I agree with you about some of the problems that Madrid has but compared to other cites (even smaller ones such as Glasgow) it is a relatively safe city. Living here for so long you will know how many neighbourhoods in the city centre have changed for the better.
In the "short time" (6.5years) that I have lived in Madrid, I have accepted and love the way of life here. The madrileños are very welcoming and on the whole friendly. It isn't perfect here but I am not going to become one of those moaning "guiris" (foreigners).
Returning to the trouble that occurred, I know there were police who lashed out and "atleti" that were fighting. However my eyes WERE open on Thursday afternoon when I saw drunken Aberdeen louts disturbing families in a busy shopping area. I predicted there would be trouble ahead.
My head most certainly isn't in the sand and my eyes are open to what is going on around me. Are yours?

85. ScotInMadrid, Madrid / 12:05am 2 Dec 2007
I am VERY proud to be a Scot. I have a kilt and get drunk but I don't go around bothering others. I love talking about my country to all I meet. It makes me sad, when the likes I witnessed here in Madrid (admittedly a minority), create bad publicity for the country.
I love Scotland and I love Spain and the Spaniards.
If you are looking for a sad case, it seems you just need to look in the mirror.

86. ScotInMadrid, Madrid / 12:08am 2 Dec 2007
PS It's YOU ARE / YOU'RE (not YOUR) a sad case.
Seems that you need to brush up on your English too!

Joe Black responded by calling me SnobInMadrid. I reported the comment as unsuitable and it was removed!

Source: The Scotsman

What is your opinion on football fans? Do you agree with the comments about the Spanish police? What do you think the solution is to football related violence?

Humour

Put Downs:

If I were married to you, I'd put poison in your coffee.- - - Lady Astor (to Winston Churchill)

If you were my wife, I'd drink it.- - - Winston Churchill, in reply

Anecdotes:

Anecdote 1...


(Picasso recalls his mother's ambitions for him.)
"When I was a child, my mother said to me, 'If you become a soldier, you'll be a general. If you become a monk, you'll end up as Pope.' Instead I became a painter and wound up as Picasso."




Anecdote 2...


In later life Picasso visited an exhibition of children's drawings. He observed, "When I was their age, I could draw like Raphael, but it took me a lifetime to learn to draw like them."



Puns:

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?

He's all right now.


Limericks:

A macho young swimmer named Dwyer,
Really liked playing with fire.
One night in the dark
He swam with a shark,
And his voice is now two octaves higher.


Epigram:



"I can resist everything except temptation." Oscar Wilde













Non P.C. Jokes:


Smart Irishman

An Irishman named Murphy went to his doctor after a long illness. The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Murphy in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you... you have cancer and it can't be cured. I'd give you two weeks to a month." Murphy, shocked and saddened by the news, but of solid character, managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room. There he saw his son who had been waiting.

Murphy said, "Son, we Irish celebrate when things are good and celebrate when things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't so well. I have cancer and I've been given a short time to live. Let's head for the pub and have a few pints."

After three or four pints the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more beers. They were eventually approached by some of Murphy's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating.

Murphy told them that the Irish celebrate the good and the bad... he went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "I've only got a few weeks to live as I have been diagnosed with AIDS." The friends gave Murphy their condolences and they had a couple more beers.

After his friends left, Murphy's son leaned over and whispered, "Dad, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer. You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!" Murphy said,"I am dying from cancer, son, I just don't want any of them sleeping with your mother after I'm gone."


Have you got any jokes to share? Have a look at the examples of puns, limericks, corny jokes etc - which are your favourites?

Source: itslikeasaunainhere (You Tube) Key words: Fawlty towers mention war

This is part of an episode of a classic British sitcom from the 70s.

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